I hadn’t considered myself ‘difficult’ until I met my wife Susan. Early in our relationship, she labeled me as such. Initially, I felt hurt and dismayed. However, she explained that by ‘difficult,’ she meant “challenging.” She recognized my daily efforts to be the best version of myself. I reject mediocrity in my personal life and continually pursue self-improvement which aligns with my personal vision statement- to become the best version of myself. This trait prompted Susan to reflect on her own life, leading to challenging introspection. My approach to life compelled her to confront how she dealt with present issues and the influence of past hurts on her current experiences. Naturally, this pushed her beyond her comfort zone, shaking her worldview—a test even for the mentally toughest individuals.

In my personal life and my experience as a life coach, I’ve noticed the 80/20 rule often applies. About 80% of adults come across as difficult, prickly, or hold negative energy due to underlying pain. They carry a lifetime of hurt, manifesting in what I term A.R.B.—anger, resentment, and bitterness. Unresolved issues, compounded by unforgiveness, can transform someone into an unhealthy, truly “difficult” person.

“Hurting people hurt people,” perpetuating a vicious cycle. I once had a client describe feeling like they were on a merry-go-round spinning uncontrollably, overwhelmed by deafening music. This sensation highlights a struggle that many face. 

For some, the challenges come from encountering seemingly ‘difficult’ individuals whose vibrant energy or lifestyle choices contrast sharply with our own. These resilient personalities—those who seem unflappable and turn life’s lemons into lemonade—can be especially challenging for anyone grappling with ARB. It’s human nature to resist having our worldview challenged, particularly by peers.

Reflecting on history, Jesus Christ serves as a poignant example of a ‘difficult’ individual, though not in the conventional sense. Known for his kindness, humility, and peaceful teachings, Jesus introduced revolutionary paradigms that many found challenging then and still do today. Despite the profound positive impact his life had on countless individuals, a minority rejected him because they labeled him ‘difficult.’ Notably, Jesus was condemned and executed by those threatened by his transformative teachings—a testament to how fear and resistance can manifest, then, and 2,000 years later. 

This highlights a timeless truth: encountering negativity and resistance from ‘difficult’ individuals is not unusual, especially when driven by A.R.B. and fear of paradigm shifts. Even those in power, like Pontius Pilate who found no guilt in Jesus, sometimes bow to pressures from such resistance. Understanding this dynamic can better equip us to navigate interactions with those who challenge us.

It’s crucial to swiftly identify the ‘difficult’ individuals we encounter. Are they healthily challenging or unhealthily so? If you’re committed to personal growth, embrace those who are constructively ‘difficult.’ Recognize that their perspectives can support and enhance your own personal journey of authenticity.