I’ve spent a lot of time working with both adults and kids, and one big topic that keeps coming up is family issues from childhood.

A lot of adults don’t realize how deeply their upbringing affects them. As kids, we pick up a lot just by watching and listening to our parents. Sadly, many parents fall into a “Dictator” role, saying things like, “Do as I say and don’t talk back or argue.” This doesn’t work well because kids learn more from what we do than what we say. They end up getting mixed messages like, “Do as I say, not as I do.”

Kids under 14 aren’t great at processing things the way adults do. They mimic what they see. So, they might start copying behaviors like lying or arguing just because that’s what they see at home. This process is kinda like how kids develop a taste for brands like Starbucks or Sonic. They see their parents frequent these places and talk about how great they are. When a parent constantly says, “I need my Starbucks; it’s the best coffee,” and then gets it every day, it’s no surprise the kids pick up on that too.

You know, many parents don’t really grasp how much their actions and words really shape their kids’ lives. Kids are like sponges, soaking up everything they see and hear, even when it seems like they’re not paying attention. It’s super important for parents to realize this, so they can create a loving and mindful environment that helps their children grow up well.

Sometimes parents bring a lot of baggage from their own pasts: unresolved issues and old hurts that they’ve never quite dealt with. If these feelings aren’t worked through and forgiven, they can turn into pretty heavy stuff like anger and bitterness. Our brains react to these negative emotions as if they’re trauma. And guess what? These toxic vibes can mess up a parent’s ability to raise kids who are emotionally healthy, often leading to family-fighting and disconnection.

When kids start acting out or becoming distant, it’s usually not because they just want to be difficult. Most of the time, they’re struggling to trust parents who act in unpredictable or hurtful ways. Trust is essential for respect, and without it, kids aren’t likely to pay attention or engage positively. This lack of open conversation can then lead to even more arguments and emotional withdrawal, creating a never-ending cycle of negativity.

So, it’s really about breaking the cycle. Parents need to work on healing themselves, practicing forgiveness, and creating a more stable, trustworthy environment. This shift can make a huge difference, helping to build better communication and deeper connections within the family.

Imagine this for a moment: kids are always on the lookout for love, approval, and safety from their parents. If they don’t get these essentials at home, they start to feel anxious, scared, and begin searching for validation from other places. This usually means they might connect with other kids who are also feeling hurt and lost, creating a cycle where they’re looking for emotional needs in all the wrong places.

To break this pattern, parents need to put in some real effort to face and heal from their own past pains, anger, and bitterness. This means practicing forgiveness, which isn’t easy, but it’s super important for the health and happiness of both the parents and the kids. When adults take this step, it not only helps their family but creates a ripple effect that can benefit the whole community.

Imagine kids as little love sponges—always trying to soak up affection, approval, and security from their parents. When they don’t get that at home, they start feeling all sorts of anxious and scared. And guess what? They begin hunting for that validation from outside, often from friends who might be just as lost.

What can parents do to stop this vicious cycle? Well, it all starts with some soul-searching and healing on their part. Here’s a simple game plan:

1. Own Your Stuff and Heal:
      – Parents need to own up to their past scars and commit to working through them. It’s about letting go of old grudges and moving towards forgiveness. Tough, but necessary.
2. Say Sorry and Explain:
      – A heartfelt apology can work wonders. Parents should sit down with their kids and apologize for any past hurt. Depending on how old the kids are, they can even share their journey of emotional healing. This honesty builds trust.
3. Be the Role Model:
      – Kids learn a lot by watching. When parents show how they handle mistakes and own up to them, it sets a solid example. It’s like walking the talk.
4. Keep Emotional House Clean:
      – Forgiveness isn’t a one-time deal. Parents need to make it a habit, ensuring they don’t hold on to new hurts. This helps break the cycle of emotional baggage. These steps can help mend family ties and create a happier, healthier environment for the kids. Don’t be shy if this hits home and you want to chat more about it—just drop me a message!