I believe there are three distinct parenting styles. Some say there are four. If you are a parent, which one are you? Which one do you think is actually MOST effective upon reading? 

1) The Dictator

2) The Educator

3) The Order Taker

#1-Dictator. This parenting style is militaristic. Phrases like, “do what I tell you or else”, “my house my rules”, and “I will bust your ass” are commonly used. This kind of parent seeks to control the children through intimidation, threats, and fear. Children growing up in this kind of environment learn to “obey” to avoid being punished, struck, or beaten. It breeds anger, resentment, fear, worry, and anxiety in the child. And when the child reaches their teen years and finds their own voice there is rebellion and pushback.

#2-Educator. This parenting style chooses to grant the developing child Mercy and Forgiveness and seeks to help shape and mold a child through Patience, teaching, and repetition. Very similar approach to a child’s schooling during their formative years. The parent teaches cause and effect, and choices and consequences, and holds the child accountable, disciplining with appropriate measures ALWAYS with the end result of being that the child understands and wants to make wiser choices as they learn. This parenting style promotes harmony, peace, love, patience, gentleness, forgiveness, kindness, and self-control. During the teen years, a child raised this way will test their boundaries but in a respectful way and be more open to parental advice and coaching as they are finding their own voice. The educator parent helps a child develop their own voice rather than forcing them to adapt to the parents’ mindset. 

#3- The Order Taker. This parenting style is the parent who seeks to avoid conflict by giving in to the child’s every whim. This parent does not have a backbone and is more interested in the child seeing them as their friend instead of as their parent/guardian/educator. This is the parent that gives in to a screaming child in the grocery store when they are begging for candy or toys when they are toddlers. This is the parent that does not set any kind of healthy boundaries in their adolescent years. This is the parent who once the child reaches their teen years, is trying to dress like them and is more interested in being accepted and liked by their kid’s friends. These are typically the parents that throw parties for their teenagers that involve and support alcohol/drug use in order to be seen as the “cool” parents. Raising a child like this without healthy boundaries often sets the child up to be selfish and self-centered and causes behavioral problems such as eating disorders, unwanted pregnancies, drug use, and financial dependence on their parents far into their twenties. 

We all have family of origin issues. Many stem from which style our parents showed us growing up that either “worked” or didn’t on us. Once we become parents, our natural default is the same parenting style we grew up with as children. It’s a mindset and requires a major paradigm shift in order to choose the correct one. 

The wisest choice of parenting styles is #2, The Educator. Just remember that they are developing humans and based on their ages, will require you to repeat the lessons dozens if not more times before it imprints on their brains. Raising a human is exhausting, tiring, and comes at great cost not only financially but in the compromise of our own identity. The educator parenting style takes more time and effort in the beginning years but sets both the child and parents up for success in later years with inner personal relationships.