Stored pain IS the REAL zombie virus. I’ve been watching the HBO series, The Last of Us. In this story, people become infected by ingesting a mutated version of fungi. Once infected, they are essentially “dead” and it takes less than 24 hours for the fungus to turn a live human into a toxic one. How amazingly similar this process is to a person who experiences a hurt and internalizes it. In one simple act, a live human, once “bitten” by hurt and choosing not to forgive, allows the virus to take root in their mind. It quickly mutates and the hurt turns to anger. Anger mutates into resentment. Resentment mutates into bitterness. And bitterness mutates to death. At this point in the mutation,  are unconscious virus spreaders. And what makes this process so scary and realistic is that in the TV series AND in real life, the infected humans look “normal.” They look like your spouse, your child, your friend, your co-worker, and your neighbor. But it’s what’s inside of their body, what you cannot see, that is slowly killing them and if you allow them close to you, will infect you too. 

“Hurting people hurt people.” Why? Because they are infected with the virus and therefore incapable of controlling their own selves. Why don’t people want to forgive? Why do people want to hold on to stored pain? The answer is simple; first, someone hurt us in our formative years and it wounds us. During this time period, we don’t know how to process the pain.  Second, people begin storing pain LONG before they understand forgiveness and it becomes an auto-store feature of our minds. Third, stored hurt turns to anger, then resentment, then bitterness. Once the original hurt reaches resentment, it takes considerably more effort to forgive. 

So what’s the answer? What’s the cure for the zombie virus? Simple. Forgiveness. Forgiveness whether it is deserved or not. You’re forgiving those who hurt you does not excuse their behavior or let them off the hook but it does release the stored pain and the bondage that the stored unforgiveness has in your life. Holding on to A. R. B. (anger, resentment, bitterness) gives others “power” over you, trapping you in an endless loop of toxicity. 

There will be people on your list who are not worthy of forgiveness.  Forgiveness, like Love, is a choice. Mark my words, you cannot know real love, receive real love, or give real love while you are infected with the zombie virus; stored pain from unforgiveness. Consider this scary thought; most often, the closest people to you ARE infected and they aren’t who you think they are. They, like others, have learned over time, how to project the proper image in order to fit into society. This will help explain why certain people in your life, continue to hurt you over and over and over. 

“Hurting people hurt people.”

One cannot outrun the virus once it’s inside them. No amount of retail therapy will solve it. No amount of life’s pleasures will cure it. A new relationship is not the answer. A new job isn’t the solution. The simple answer is Forgiveness. The actual process is HARD. Initially, the idea and concept of forgiveness will be met with massive resistance from within. The virus is strong and will initially fight the cure. It’s HARD to Forgive and it’s HARD to stay infected. 

“CHOOSE YOUR HARD!” 

“Okay Coach Rob, so what’s the process?”

1) Physically make a list of people who have hurt you and pay attention to what names begin to pop up as they are most likely to be the ones that have caused you the most pain; either one instance or repetitively. In this list pay attention to people who have hurt you most recently. Start there and work backwards. The hardest people to forgive will most likely be parents, siblings, extended family, and early relationships. Save them for last. 

2) Make a list of people that you consciously are aware you have hurt. 

3) Forgive yourself. An extremely important step!  Self-hate, and self-loathing, will attempt to sabotage your efforts. One cannot truly Love others until they FIRST learn, in a healthy way, to Love themselves. 

Sometimes this process is too hard or too overwhelming to tackle on your own. If you feel that describes yourself then consider engaging me or another qualified professional to help you.